Embracing Comfort: Essential Home Principles – All families have stress at some point in time, money and external pressures. Sometimes homes can become the place where everyone is worn out or upset. Despite these difficulties, families can become stronger and closer by building on their strengths.
“My mother told us that her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was very young. The medical bills piled up and her family was in dire straits. They were already struggling to make ends meet, but this created additional financial stress. They had to prioritize their spending, buying only items to meet basic needs. She shared with me what a difficult time it was for her family. Because of her family’s financial struggles, she taught my brother and me the importance of responsibility and sharing, even when times are tough.” (College student)
Embracing Comfort: Essential Home Principles
This family had a difficult time, which started with a health problem. Although parents don’t usually share all the details of their children’s budget, this issue has drawn the family together. The story is shared in this family through the next generation and brings important lessons about working together in hard times.
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How can families be strengthened in ordinary times and in difficult times? Researchers have worked for years on answers to this question. Seven important family strengths are discussed here, along with tips for activities that can help build or enhance these strengths.
As you read about each of these family strengths, think about what stress might be affecting the whole family today. All these strengths are interconnected. Finally, review your strengths and work with your family to decide what your best strengths are.
Expressions of care and appreciation strengthen families. When families encourage and lift each other up, it reassures family members that they are still loved even when they make mistakes.
Families become stronger when members notice and appreciate each other’s positive aspects. For example, you can compliment another person’s polite behavior or something they did or said. You may recognize your appreciation for the talents, abilities, achievements, qualities, and characteristics that make the other person unique. Surprise someone by writing a short love note about something you notice and put it under their pillow or in a backpack, briefcase or purse. Write something like, “Emily, I’m so proud of you for working so hard on your homework. Love, Dad.” You could also send someone a kind text message saying something like, “I appreciate everything you do for our family. Have a great day at work (or school).” You could also put a little note in their lunch box and say “You’re awesome!”. These little messages tell others that you appreciate and care about them.
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Be polite to each other as well as to strangers. Good manners and everyday politeness let your child or partner know they matter. Politeness shows children how to behave with others.
Tip 1.1: When praising others, praise the behavior or effort rather than the person. Avoid saying things like “You’re a nice person” because that labels the person (and implies that some people aren’t nice). Rather, say something like, “That was a nice thing you did for me. Thank you!”
Giving time is another way to show care and appreciation. Children want their parents to be available—to spend time together, show interest, do things with them, and talk to them. Families who make time to be together find that quality increases.
Families may want to choose an evening or time each week for family activities, such as family game nights or movie nights, or for outdoor activities. You can take turns choosing activities that each member likes. Spending time together away from distractions like a heavy workload or technology helps you all focus on each other and find out what’s going on in each other’s lives.
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No baby can be spoiled by too much hugging! Toddlers often like to snuggle with their parents. A quick pat, a hug, a kiss, a handshake or an arm around their shoulder can say a lot to people of all ages. Don’t forget your teenagers! They need hugs too!
Spending time together, appreciating each other, sending love notes, and being polite are all ways to strengthen your family and make family time enjoyable.
Strong families are committed to each other. They appreciate the things that make their family special. Even when times are tough, they work together on problems.
One way to build family commitment is to practice family traditions. A family tradition is any activity or event that occurs regularly and has special meaning for the family. The tradition can be as simple as bedtime stories or prayers or Saturday morning pancakes or as grand as an annual holiday. Because these traditions have special meanings for your family, they create feelings of warmth, closeness, and togetherness. Traditions can create a sense of stability and security for family members and build memories that tell your family’s story.
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The memories your family shares are another way to build a sense of family. Take time to share happy memories. Include older relatives by asking them to talk about their lives. Their stories provide a glimpse into their personalities and strengths and allow younger family members to feel more connected. If you don’t have access to family elders, look for stories that help tell the story of how your family came to be. If you have a blended family, make sure you value the bonds you have in your family, but appreciate that the children can have and other families.
Families are stronger when members share their feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, joys, pains, experiences, growth and needs. Families that take the time to listen and respond to what others have to say grow in their bonds. Here are four tips for improving family communication.
Feelings reflect what is important to us. Take time to tune in and talk about or respond to feelings. Choose low-intensity times, such as when you’re in the car or while you’re running errands, or at bedtime. Close the screen and pay attention. You can encourage each other to share by asking “Tell me more” or “What was the best part of the day for you?” You can also reflect the feelings of others by saying, “Wow, that must have been exciting (or scary).”
Listening to what others say and feel is one of the most powerful ways to show love. To be good listeners, we often have to put aside our own opinion and really try to understand the other person’s point of view. The purpose of active listening is to make the other person feel understood. You don’t have to agree with their opinions to empathize with their feelings. You can start by reflecting back to the other person: “You seem to feel [describe what you think the person feels.] Is that right?” The other person can then respond to say whether they were understood correctly. Understanding requires patience, effort to understand and accept the other person’s feelings.
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Try to suggest actions that you or others can take to improve the situation or solve the problem. Say things like, “I’d like a little help bringing in the groceries.” Even if you know you’re right, telling someone else what to do can make that person feel guilty, frustrated, or powerless.
Think of ways your family has successfully resolved problems in happy ways. This is usually because the conversation is already easy. If your family is new to talking like this, you could try making a list of questions. Ask each person to suggest a general question. It can also be silly! Examples of questions could be:
Make sure the questions are age-appropriate for family members. Share your list, and during family time, in the car, or while you’re waiting for things, have people take turns choosing the “getting to know you” question.
Families are more resilient when they can turn to other people and community organizations for support. If a family is struggling with a problem, asking for help from outside the family can provide ideas, empathy, or sometimes a practical solution. Being involved in community institutions such as schools, religious organizations, or organizations that promote well-
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Being the strengthening of families. When families already have relationships, they can share a problem before it becomes a crisis.
Busy schedules can make it difficult to spend time with people and family. Strengthen your communication with loving family group messages, a family social media page (use privacy settings to protect your privacy), or sit down together as a family to plan everyone’s events during the week. Families can develop traditions by regularly visiting certain people in their extended networks or by gathering people together for special occasions or holidays.
Families are also strengthened when they get to help or have fun with people in their own extended families, neighborhoods, and communities. A family might help an elderly person or couple with household chores, repair or mend things, offer a ride or bring
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